dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
