Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
