my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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