I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
