She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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