Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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