You're my little dorito
What a fucking waste of an outfit
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
