i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
