coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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