you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
