Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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