Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
