**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All I want is dick and wine.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
