ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
