we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
