that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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