I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
