That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
