I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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