I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
