Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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