were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
