if i can run in heels then i can drive
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
