I accidentally burped into my bong.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
