ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
