Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
