happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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