i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
