That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
