My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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