Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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