Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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