Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
