Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
