the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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