Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
