I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
