am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
