I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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