Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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