dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
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Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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