dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
