idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he thought i was a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize