remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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