first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize