Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
