I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
