He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
