so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize