I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
