He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
