note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
