"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
