btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
