Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
please come you make the beer taste better
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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