I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
