We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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