i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
People in love make me want to vomit
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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