Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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