I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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