The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
