I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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