six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
