YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
