what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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