dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
