i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize