i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
