Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
