Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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