All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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