dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
