I love black thongs
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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