I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
