Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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