a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
