dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
