Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
