I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He shit in the fireplace
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
