Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
