the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
