I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
