Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
