did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
