Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
