Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
