in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
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I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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