Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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