It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
