You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
