Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
