Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
