she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize