Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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