Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Randomize
